Realization is HARD....

Many things are coming up for my household....

Lots of things that are scary....

My ladies retreat was wondeful. Such a nice escape. One thing that I did learn from it was my Love Language. You see, we had several devotionals during our retreat. A chance for us to really bond with each other and learn a bit more about the people that were there with us. We took a quiz. I discovered that I am "Receiving Gifts." When ANYONE who knows me at all reads this, it will come as NO surprise...

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.


Gosh, that is me!!!

We also discussed how it is really hard for others to speak to us in our language as their language is often different and we tend to communicate to others in our own language. So, if your language is NOT gifts, you will have a hard time giving that to someone whose primary language IS. It was so interesting. Brought several realizations to light for me...

For one, I do not think that I know ANYONE who speaks the same love language as me right now. Second, my mom's love language was "Words of Affirmation."

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

However, I think "Gifts" was a close second for my mom.

The key to MANY of my emotions of late is the fact that my tank is empty. It is crucial for us to have full tanks. Somehow, we need our tanks full. It is crucial for us to have people around us who can fill our tanks while we, in turn, fill theirs. This reciprocity is what keeps us going. I think that my tank-filler was mom. :( When I discovered my love language, the first question that was asked of me was "How many people speak to you in your language?" My response, sadly, no one. I now think that part of the reason that I struggle so much with mom's death is the fact that I lost much more than anyone can EVER imagine. Sure, I lost my mom and best friend. However, I also lost one of the only people that helped fill my tank and that is so VERY important especially since I believe one of my other major tank-fillers was my Nana who I had lost just 3 years before my mom. So, my tank has been empty and to deal with what I deal with day-to-day on an empty tank is excruciatingly hard. As things pile up, it is getting almost impossible...

So, for those wondering just WHAT is going on. In a long, drawn-out explanation, that is it...