No "Mother-of-the-Year" award for me this week....

Let's see: I have forgotten to feed my kids one night and had to be kindly reminded by Tylor that the babies "have only had milk and we are kind of hungry too." Luckily, the bigger kiddos will just fix themselves something if they get hungry enough. The poor twinkies...

I cannot get a good night's sleep to save my life. I fall right asleep and then keep waking up. Not sure why...Just keep doing it...

Tobey is a sad mess and I am very little comfort as my emotions are just worn thin...

The house seems so lonely. I know that sounds so very strange from someone with 5 kids, but it is painfully true. Mom was ALWAYS here and it has left such a hole...

Gotta keep telling myself that I CHOSE to be a single mom because now it is a reality as I really am all alone!

Things just HAVE to get easier...Heard a quote today that really said it all. "In every life a little rain must fall. I think that I have been mistaken for Noah..." Too true!

Look at us in our new outfits!

Thanks A & P for the spiffy duds! We look just fab in them!

Tonight was a good night...

Tobey smiled and laughed which I have not seen him do all week...We ate vanilla cupcakes in "Grammy's honor" as those were her favorite and everyone was in the mood...

I know that there will be more tough days ahead, but having a nice evening was REALLY good for my spirits...

My roller coaster of emotions...

ANGER: How dare she leave me at this age with kids being this young?

SADNESS: I have never had a loss this profound..EVER!

LOST: What will I do without her?

SELFISH: Though I know she is in a better place, I want her here with us...

UNSURE: What lies ahead?

LONELY: I am the only adult in this house. No one to share my mindless thoughts with any more...

PAIN: My heart is so heavy with this...

FEAR: Will we get through this and be able to move on?

OVERWHELMED: So much to do and think about....

SCARED: Will I have to take on another job to make ends meet?

NERVOUS: Am I ready to return to work tomorrow?

Believe it or not, I DO have moments where I feel PEACE. She is in a better place now. No more pain and no more sickness. I KNOW that she is watching over us...

I wish that I was B & B...

Life goes on for them and they do not notice a thing. As long as they are fed and loved, all is OK with the world...

I am just so sad that they will never remember my mom and how much she loved them...Life really is not fair...

I can't do this...

I miss her so much. My heart aches as my mom was really my favorite person in the world...

It is sad and pathetic to admit this, but I do not know what it is like to be alone as I have always had my mom...

Judith Ann Pelzer 3/8/1945-2/24/2008

My mom has died...No words...

5 kids, one adult and the pool at the Y

I have always wanted to join the YMCA and finally did it last week as Tobey's aquatic therapist meets us there...

Well, I packed up the gang today and headed on over. We arrrived a little more than an hour before his therapy was to start so that we could play. Then we hung out in another part of the pool while Tobey had his therapy. It was actually quite relaxing and the kids had a blast. All 5 of them! I am just so happy to be able to do more and more with the kids on my own. It makes everything so fun!

Hi mom! This is REALLY fun!



The brothers always hang together...




Taylar saying "hi."



The whole gang at the end of a fun swim...

A friendly reminder to people who like to give THOSE looks...

Those of you who give them KNOW what I am talking about and I am just reminding you how rude they are. I am so sick of people giving me the look when they find out that I have 5 kids. WTH??? Is 5 kids really such a tremendous amount that you must look at me like I just robbed a bank?? Yes, I CHOSE to have this many kids and I am fine about my decision. No regrets here. I love each of my children in their own special way and do feel that each one of them will contribute something positive to the world around them. So, please think before you stare at a family with several kids. Think about us. Think about the fun that we have at restaurants, the playmates built in, the siblings to look up to, and the love that overflows in our house. There is NOTHING for you to be shocked or scared about. We are fine and happy and just waiting for the rest of the world to clue into that!

"He needs spaghetti and meatballs when???"

Yes, that was the last thing that I said to Tylor's teacher today...

Yesterday, Tobey brought home a "reminder" that he needed to bring 2 2-liter bottles of Sprite for Teacher Appreciation on Friday. Funny thing about reminders. they do not seem to do a whole lot of reminding when you have not seen the original note...Hmmm. This of course gets my mind going and I start to wonder what Tylor and Taylar are going to be expected to bring...??? I email their teachers first thing this morning since it would be nice to know what I should get on my way home...That was where I went wrong. Should have NEVER asked...

Right as I am about to leave work, I get 2 emails. One from Taylar's teacher saying that she does not have Taylar down for anything so I have lucked out. Ok...That sounds good to me. I should have stopped reading my email right then and walked out of the dooor, but NO I had to click on the next one. It was Tylor's teacher being so kind to "remind" me that Tylor is supposed to bring spaghetti and meatballs. Huh?? Did you say spaghetti and meatballs? You guys really want a single, working mom of 5 to come home from work and cook up spaghetti and meatballs?

What was all this for again? Oh yes, Teacher Appreciation being hosted by the PTA with parent help (even though it sounds to me like the parents are pretty much providing everything except their beautiful faces!)...You see, we do not have Teacher Appreciation here in A ISD. Heck, most of the schools out here do not even have a PTA. Teacher Appreciation out here means that they send their kids to school every day and honor you with their presence, right?? So I, a fellow teacher, am going to run to the store on my way home, cook up a pot of spaghetti and meatballs, and make sure that my kid gets out of the house and on the school bus with said spaghetti. All of this without said spaghetti getting spilled or dumped on the floor before it arrives safely at the school..?? OK...I will get right on that!

As I type, the pasta is boiling and the sauce is cooking. The meatballs are in the oven and Tobey is on the toilet. Tylor is doing his homework and Taylar is brushing her teeth. Toddlers have been asleep for 2 hours (thank you God!). Oh yea, I am trying to grab a bite of my now cold dinner to eat here and there as I have yet to have some dinner which is VERY unusual for me as I NEVER forget to eat!

Gotta set my alarm earlier and make sure that I get everything laid out for the kids. Then, I have to remember to call and remind the kids to take everything so that their teachers will feel "appreciated" which is just what I feel right now! :P

Reality

The longer that I teach where I am, the more I am bombarded with the reality of how some kids live every day in such dire circumstances. My kids are truly needy and honestly cry out for attention (positive or negative) from ANYONE. Each day, I witness another act or disruption that proves to me that there are kids who REALLY need someone who cares. I fight my emotions so much on this one. My job is quite a drive from my home. However, I feel so needed and appreciated by the kids that I teach (NOT the staff by ANY means)...Where I live, the kids are the opposite. I just do not think that I would reap the same benefits in a school full of well-to-do kids. That might sound harsh, but I like "making a difference." That is just me and who I am. Kids are important to me and I like to think that I am having a positive impact on the future and where it will go for some kids.

So, as you are hugging and kissing your well-nourished, well-loved, and well-clothed children, think of my students. Say a small prayer for them and those of us who take on the privilege of guiding them day after day and then sending them off into the world. I just wish for success, and happiness for them all. Hopefully, we are arming them with the skills and tools that they need to achieve that exact thing!

The company I keep for dinner...

They are messy and loud and just about the best company that I have EVER had! The twinkies are slowly learning dinner etiquette and are saying "please" pretty regularly. We are still working on "Thank you," but getting there! I have to say that, 20 years ago, I could have NEVER predicted my dinners to be like this. Dirty faces, food in strange places and I LOVE every minute of it!

"Nakey Time"

Nakey time was an idea passed along to us by our twin friends S & K. Their momma told us about it and we thought we should try it. Well, we love it and make sure to do it every night! After Brennyn tinkled on the floor, mom has adapted nakey time to being in nothing BUT a diaper. We still love it! Here we are tonight before bed...

Cracking Taylar up with our antics!



Why is it that my tushy REALLY itches when my clothes come off? Gotta get to that itch...Here is what my diaper looks like after I scratch..

My newest addiction...

My I-Pod! Gosh, I am crazy addicted to that silly thing. It helps to pass the time at doctors/dentists offices, while waiting at karate, and other occasions when I would just sit arounf and do nothing. It is sad how dull my life is. Something as simple as a little gadget brings me so much pleasure. Oh well, no matter to me. I am all the more enamored by my newest technological advancement.

February 14th and why I HATE it...

On this day in 2005, my Nana passed away. It was sudden and unexpected and the first time in my life that I sat with someone until all of the life had left their body. I do not regret doing it and I will never forget it, but it forever ruined this day for me. Nana was more of a "mom" to me than my mother and losing her was a profound loss fo rme. I will miss her always and wish that she has been able to meet Brennyn and Baylee as she would have fallen in love!

Though it has been 3 years, it is still a tough tough day for me and I will be thinking of Nana and all of the precious memories that I have in my mind of her. I feel honored that my daughter has her name to pass on and she WILL know WHERE her name came from and why it was so important for me to give it to her.

Lillian Elsie Pelzer 1/27/1924-2/14/2005

The best "date" that I have had in years!

Tonight, we had about 45 minutes between Tobey's blackbelt class and his leadership class. So, I decided that we would catch a meal at the Mexican restaurant down the strip. It was the best 45 minutes that I have shared with someone in a LONG time. I had a GREAT heart-to-heart with my son and really enjoyed his company. I have made the decision that this will be a weekly thing and that I will set a goal to do it with all 3 of my older kids. If not dinner, something else. My kids are young adults now and they have so much to contribute . It is fun to hear their perspective on things, as well as, hear what concerns/worries they have.

My "hot" date...

Here goes...

I am beat. Yes, this mom of 5 is tired. Big shocker there, huh? I do not know what it is. I am tired in much more than the physical sense...

I am tired of my kids teachers thinking that I can read their minds and know EXACTLY what each kid is supposed to be doing at all times...

I am tired of having lots of friends that I hold so dear who live so darn far away. It just stinks as I would love to just have lunch with any of them even once in a while...Lisa, Dana, Aimee, Terri, Jamie, Ashley and MANY more. What a nice lunch we could have!

I am tired of working in a job in which I go ABOVE and BEYOND almost every day and just do not feel appreciated for it...

I am tired of the reality that I doubled my student loans for a job that I have yet to obtain because I do not know the right people and like ALL jobs it all boils down to politics. Not WHAT you know or how qualified you are, but WHO you know and who they know...

I am tired of my mom and all that she entails. I won't go into details, but she wears me out and disappoints me in such a profound way...

I am tired of spending day after day just missing my babies terribly. I HATE it that I resent Angie because she gets to spend all day with my babies. I thought that it would be easier to go back to work with time, but it has been a year now and I still miss them so much EVERY day.

I am tired of having 2 kids with special needs and dealing with all that entails...

I am tired of being a single mom. Yes, I chose this life route, but it gets so tough when it comes to making all of the appointments, practices, and goals accomplished. Another set of hands would be nice once in a while...

I am tired of Valentine's Day. I always have and always will HATE this day and this year is no different...

I just need a week away from everything..Hmmmm...Don't see that happening. So, I will just chug on as always...

Sickness is gone...Happiness has returned!

I am so happy to say that all of the kids are back to their rowdy energetic selves! Babies are bouncing all over and the triplets have their pre-teen attitudes back and in check. Thank God that terrible bug has passed!

Ready for Valentine's Day...

How much does your mom love you?



The "fairyest" princess (yes, fairy-est) of them all!

On the mend...

Brennyn and Baylee are fighting with each other again which is a HUGE sign that they are starting to feel better...:):):)



You can still see remnants of the pink-eye in Balyee's eyes, but they look so much better than they did earlier in the week...





I was even able to coax a tiny smile out of my little guy with his big boy haircut!

What a GREAT gift!

Thanks to A & P for such a creative remembrance of such a special occasion! Tobey LOVES his cool new shirt!

Gosh, I wish that I could post a "well-kid" post, but we

are FAR from that here...Let's see...Went to the doctor yesterday. After $120 in co-payments, we leave knowing that the bug is viral and it just has to "run it's course" in their systems. Oh, and the fact that Baylee has pink-eye. Yes, pink-eye! My sweet 14 month-old has pink-eye. I was baffled at first as to where she might have gotten it from. No one here has it and no one at the sitter's does either. Then, I heard from the nurse at my school that she has sent home 10 kids between Friday and Monday with pink-eye. Oh, big shocker now as to where it came from!

Sick sick sick! I am just tired of it all!

PLEASE send those get well vibes!

So much for a better week ahead of me...UGH

4 of the 5 kids are sick and I will head to the pediatrician tomorrow. That means $140 in co-payments ($35 per kid) and another day off of work. They are running fevers of 101 and the boys say that their throats hurt. This has been an awful school year for sickness in our house. The kids have been sick so much more than usual. This is really the first time that B & B have gotten real sick. Poor Baylee has really awful looking eyes, and poor Brennyn is just so distraught to be ill...

Today, I run to CVS to pick up Motrin for the babies. I walk out and happen to glance at my front tire. I can see the steel showing! I bought the front tires just 11 months ago and just bought the two back ones two weeks ago. So, I head straight to NTB not wanting to risk another blow-out. 2 mores tires and a wheel alignment later, I walk out. Just $405 which brings my total for money put into the van to just over $700 in the past 3 weeks. Such a nice thing to have to deal with right after Christmas. I just love to see my tax rebate go to car repairs, doctor visits, meds and taekwondo. NOT!!!!

Enough is enough!

"If you think that I am cute, you should see my twin!"

I just LOVE these shirts. They were GREAT hand-me-downs from our internet family S & K. A nice end to such a crappy week. Things are looking up and I have to say that I am relieved!