Hands.....

I have really noticed and observed hands lately....

My hands are such a huge part of my life...

they tuck my children into bed,
they allow me to be a successful teacher,
they aid me in driving, doing common household chores, and completing daily self-care necessities
they are what I use to caress the hair of crying babies
they are what I use to pat the backs of upset pre-teens
they allow me to grasp the phone that helps me to communicate with long distance friends
they allow me to type on a keyboard as to keep up with internet life
at times they are cold
other times they are warm
they signal when I am nervous or scared
they will allow me to grasp another hand when I am lonely and in need

The most important thing that I have noticed about my hands in recent months is probably the thing that can make me both laugh and cry and that is the fact that my hands are EXACTLY like my mother's. When I stare long enough at them, I can see my mom, hear her voice, and picture a moment with her. A small piece that will forever be with me....Bittersweet

2009 was supposed to be a better year...I mean

really....2008 was my hell, right?



I guess 2009 wants to prove me wrong. We are only 30 days into this year and my car has been wrecked, my son has had total bowel and bladder changes and has been carded for surgery, I was rejected for yet another job, and now the 1 thing that I bought myself with the $$ that I got when my mom died is missing. Yes, my Nikon camera is gone...Stolen. I am so hurt. Not so much that someone came into my home as a guest and took something of mine, but that my pictures for 6 months are gone too and can never be replaced (nor can the camera as I will never have that kind of $$ or get the kind of deal again like I got in the Cayman Islands). To be that thoughtless for something so meaningful really hurts.

Tobey has been white carded for his 19th surgery....

I am there....

I have reached that point....

There is very little to say and not much that can be done....My mind is sick as is my heart and my stomach. I am covered in hives from the worrying that I am doing and it will all come to head in the morning with a Dr appointment for Tobey....

Somehow, I am really not sure just HOW, the sun still manages to rise and and set each day...

What I torture myself with EVERY new year....

I really HATE that I do it to myself, but it IS necessary. So, I am on my yearly "weight loss attempt" program. Tomorrow, I will weigh in for week 2. I have really been trying, but it is so hard with kids. You have to have stuff in the house for them, but then you are so tempted by it. Week 1 showed a 7 pound loss. I am just hoping for ANY loss in week 2....As long as I am going in the right direction.....

I HAVE to take off weight in order to be healthier for my kids. After all, as an SMC, I am ALL that they have!

A new year! Good riddance to 2008. For me, the worst year of my life thus far. I am very happy to see it behind me and over. I look forward to 2009 and hope that it brings joy and happiness to my family as well as all those that we know.....

Resolutions.....Hmmmmmmm

Know what????

I am NOT making any! I always do and then I end up getting angry with myself for NOT following through with them. So, here is what I will do:

My one and only resolution for 2009 is to be THE BEST MOM THAT I CAN BE! NO EXCEPTIONS!

Anything else (like the weight loss resolution that I have made for the past 20 years or so) that I do achieve will be a nice bonus, but I will not put any pressure on myself.

Out with the old and in with the new!!!!