The Reservations Have Been Made!

It is a tad bit sentimental....

The year that Mom died, we had already made reservations to go to Disney. Yup. We had already sent in the deposit and set the date. Then, she got sick and died in February.

So, there was NO WAY that I was going with 2 2 year-olds alone and I decided to CANCEL our plans... :( I was heartbroken as we were SO excited to go. I also HATED telling the kids that we were not going.

BUT, I did promise them that we WOULD go one day. I assured them of this. I just asked them to wait.

Wait till $$ was better.

Wait till the twins were older, taller, and better able to handle all of the walking and craziness that a Disney trip required so that 1 Mom could do it with 5 kids....

Well, I decided that THIS YEAR is the the year! The twins will be 6. The triplets will be 16, and we are ready! Ty will be able to help me with the driving and the twins should be tall enough to ride most of the rides.

So, yesterday I called and made our reservations. We are spending Christmas and New Year's in the Happiest Place on Earth and we could not be more excited!!! :)

The bittersweet part for me is that Mom will not be there with us. However, we will bring her in our hearts and she will never be far away as we think of her.....

Holy WATER Guacamole!

Yea.....

In typical Jennifer fashion, my house has sprung a leak... :(

A couple of weeks a go, we had a REALLY bad rain. High winds, terrible rain, etc. When we came home, Taylar discovered that there was water in the staircase leading to her room. This was the one time that I was grateful that she was a slob. She has a pile of laundry where the water landed and thus the only thing that got wet was the clothes and not the carpet/padding. I hoped that it was the terrible wind and that water somehow got in. Prayed it was a one time thing and went about our business.

Two weeks later, we get another pretty bad storm. Not high winds, but bad rain. When we get home, we discover that water has again leaked onto the house in the same spot. :(

So, I need to contact my insurance company and find out what the cost will be....:(

The most frustrating thing is that my roof WAS repaired after Hurricane Ike. (Leaks popped up in the hall, Baylee's room, and upstair's bathroom) Honestly, I do not think that it was ever repaired correctly. The hall and Baylee's room have been fine. HOWEVER, my bathroom has continued to leak since the repair..:( This is so frustrating! I do not want to pour so much $$ into a house that I intend on leaving in just a few years.....

Just add this frustration to the list.....

That Time of Year....

It's here....

The time of year that I dread... :(

I really do my best to stay busy and avoid it, but it always seems to find me. The month of February. Within it resides the anniversaries of the deaths of my Nana and my Mom. The 2 people that were the most influential in my life...

This year will mark 7 (Nana) and 4 (Mom) years since their passing....

Wow. Just typing that feels UNREAL.... How can that much time have passed already?

Honest. 7 years later, I still find myself reaching for the phone to ask my Nana recipe advice. I think of a question about the past and I want to call her and ask. SHE would have known. SHE would have been able to answer that question. Now, there is no one.... The answers are gone... :(

Something great happens and I think of Mom. EVERY milestone that my children reach is bittersweet. I find myself thrilled on one hand, on the other, sad that Mom missed it... :( So much that she has/is missing.

Not a day goes by that I do not think of my Mom/Nana. I don't cry as much, but I still do now and then. There is still a HUGE void in my life and a part missing in me that will NEVER be filled....

So, I will hug my children tighter and pray harder that we can get through this HARD month together. After all, LOVE is one of the strongest bonds!

26 days left....

Taylar...:(

Taylar has just stressed me beyond my wildest imagination..... :(

Just when I think that she is doing "OK," she goes completely off of her rocker! The thing that I do not get is that the crazy sh*t that she does is almost always at home...?? Why??? She seems perfectly capable of holding it together at school. I get no complaints. Other than the issues that she had at the beginning of the year, which is not out of the ordinary for a new school, new teachers, etc., she has no problems there. However, home is a whole different issue. She just does bizarre stuff at home...

I don't get it.

Home should be her safe place. Everything remains relatively the same there. The location of things, her bedtime, eating times, chores, etc... So, I cannot figure out WHY she will go crazy every now and then and just do OFF THE WALL stuff?? If she can do it at school, there is NO REASON why she cannot do it at home!

I HAVE to get a hold of this. After this weekend, this cannot continue.... :(

The Popping of My Happiness Bubble....

Yea....

That lasted real long.

Got the phone call today. "The job has been filled. You interviewed well, but we went with someone else. Someone who is already a counselor and has experience. The experience thing is what tipped the scales. Sorry..."

Then, I looked up at my white board.

January 25. Yup. That makes sense. Nana always hated her birthday (1/27) Said that bad things always happened around the time of her birthday and anniversary (1/30)

I just need to stop. Stop setting myself up. I had. I had not gone on an interview for a long time. Got soooooooo tired of rejection. Then, this looked like such a good chance so I let my guard down again.

Stupid...

I just have one question: How is someone ever supposed to get the "experience" that they need if no one will go out on a limb and let them start?

Changes on the Horizon....

I feel it...

They are coming....

Changes....

I have grown weary of my job. I NEED to make myself more marketable. I NEED to be able to take other jobs. My time here is done...

I am 75% certain that I have made up my mind. I AM GOING TO DO IT. I am going to adopt.... I CAN'T NOT do it. That is what I have decided. I have slept on it day after day. I have thought about what I would feel like if I did not do it and the answer keeps coming back to me. I WOULD never forgive myself if I did not try my damndest. So, I am doing it. NOT right now. But, I am. I have set a goal. I will commit to a child with next year's tax refund. Then, I will hopefully be able to fund raise and bring him home by Christmas 2013. I am not looking for an infant. There are plenty of folks who want those children. I am looking to adopt a 2-3 year old. I will, more than likely, look to rescue an orphan through Reece's Rainbow.

Then, the child will be in my home for just over a year when the triplets graduate from high school. When they graduate, my goal is to move. I plan on reloacting to N. Carolina. I have a friend there and I have visited a couple of times. I think it is quite lovely, and I believe that living by this specific friend will enrich our lives. I have been looking to move , and what better location that that of a great friend?? There is nothing keeping me in Texas anymore. So, why not??

These are HUGE changes, but it is about time. I never set my sights on big things,and I feel it is about time! So, look aout world. The Pelzer Family will be tearing things up soon!

Cautiously Optimistic....

On Tuesday, I had a job interview....

It was the first time that I have interviewed for a counseling job in a LONG time.

It is SOOOOO sad to think that I have been certified since 2004. :( Almost 8 years! 8 freaking years. I wanted to get my counseling degree so bad. I sacrificed A LOT for that degree... Doubled my student loan debt, spent MANY hours away from my children, and MANY days so VERY tired. For what??? For a job that I discovered you HAD to know someone to get... :( NO one mentions any of this when you start graduate school. No one mentions that everyone (and their mother) is trying to get the same job. These are things that they leave out.

I have filled out job request after job request. Most of the time, I am not even lucky enough to get an interview. ONE time I got an interview, but I was later told that the job had already been filled before I even went. The principal only interviewed people as a formality. :(

I knew that I just had to wait. Wait will someone that I knew became a principal. Then, wait till they had a counselor position open at their school. I have done my part in getting to know and suck up to the principals that I meet. Every year, I work closely with principals at SLI which is a Summer Language program offered in our district. The good thing about this program is that the principals rotate through it. They are only allowed to work it for 2 years and then they must move. That enables me to meet new principals more often.

So, when I was able to interview with B for a position at his school on Tuesday, I was thrilled. I think that it went well, and I pray that I am chosen for the job. We shall see...

For now, I have hope. It is nice to have hope....