I did it!

I over came a HUGE fear of performing in front of people who are so much better than I am and got through my FIRST taekwondo testing tonight!!!



I am no longer the low man in the class. I am now an orange belt!! I also received my tree board which I will hold on to until I am ready to test for my black belt in about 2 years. Then, I will be able to break it as a symbol to my journey towards my black belt coming to an end...

The only thing that REALLY bummed me out tonight was that Tobey was home sick and NOT able to watch me test. I REALLY wish that he could have shared in that experience with me as I have shared in ALL of his testing experiences with him and it has been just FABULOUS!

Yeah...I am one. Last night, I decided that I pretty much am a sucker. It must be written on my forehead. This is NOTHING new. I have been vulnerable to this for most of my life, but is just never seems to get any easier to deal with when I realize that it has happened again...I attract this sort of personality and these parasites seem to feed off of me. Yes, I am their prey and I must taste good because all of them continue to hunt me down. OVER and OVER and OVER...

EVERY time, it just does NOT seem like it is going to turn out the way it does. I really give it my all and try so hard. I think THAT is my problem. I need to stop giving my all and going that extra mile for people. It is hard for me because that is my personality. I get great satisfaction from the smiles that I bring to others so I like to do things that bring on those smiles. Why not, right? WRONG! The problem with that is in the ERRONEOUS expectation that we then get that the other party will then return the kind act! It NEVER ceases to bring on HURT, REJECTION, and DISAPPOINTMENT....People often think of only themselves. They do not remember how thoughtful you were on their birthday when your birthday comes along. That was a while ago and your choice. The fact that you went out of your way to make the day special and that the gift was even more special has already been forgotten. They do not remember telling you numerous times that they were buying you something very specific for your birthday and then not even sending so much as a card...These things mean much less to them then they do to you. Their life is revolving around them and moving on without so much as a thought to any of that. It was just a comment. Something said a few times to impress a friend and look good, but obviously not really anything that they ever intended on following through with. They have other things in their lives that are much more important and that is not very high on the priority list. You were just a real dummy for actually listening and thinking/believing that they were REALLY going to do that for you...

In the end, it is me that sits on the couch dumbfounded. Why did I think that it really would happen? Why was I watching all day for a surprise? Eventually, I am left just wondering to myself... How the heck did I let it happen AGAIN? I really AM a sucker!

I MUST stop giving my ALL to people. My well-being CANNOT take it... From now on, I will proceed with caution. The safe approach will be slow and with hesitation. It is harder, but it is also one that will help me to protect my my fragile self-worth which just CANNOT be broken and bashed anymore!

Much Better...

Well, My birthday was much better than Mother's Day and Valentine's day. I do have to say that Tylor asked several times for me to take him to the store so he could get a gift. So, we went to the store yesterday and I picked out a nice purse that I liked and NEEDED since mine had been stolen a while back. We went to the mall and got my favorite kind of cake which is a cookie cake and then bought the ingredients for homemade queso on the way home. Oh, I did also use an Old Navy coupon that I had for 40% off any one item which was good till the 31st..

Here is the cake that we got...


The goodies that I found at Old Navy. The t-shirts were $3 yesterday which was awesome since I have NO shirts that fit me. I know that some people think that is GREAT, but it is NOT if you do NOT have the $$ necessary to replace all of the clothes that no longer fit you! On the right is a dress which is another FIRST for me. It is a sundress, and I have to say that it is just adorable! A little toning up of the arms and it will just be the perfect "going out" dress!


The purse that I found at my FAVORITE store (Charm$ng Charl$e). It was only $30 and is just adorable!


So, I have been pleasantly surprised with my birthday this year thanks to a little push by me and a small effort from my kids. I guess it just takes a little from everyone!

Seasons

I guess that I have not thought about the seasons that things in life go though as often as I should and how profound it REALLY can/does affect me. I realized it last night. I went to B's graduation party. B is a girl that I used to babysit when I was in college. I was VERY close to her and her family. I would go on trips with them, house-sit for them, and I even cared for B when I was pregnant with the triplets and she got the chicken pox. They were like a second family to me. I had not seen them for a while and was VERY happy to go last night and catch up with them as I realized that I had REALLY missed them. It was such a pleasant night!

I drove home with a feeling that I had not had before. It was sort of a mixture of pride, sadness and joy. I am so proud that B is now an adult and moving on to college/ROTC and medical school, but I am sad that she is grown and those years of that sweet little girl are long gone. I have such joy when I think of all the great memories that I have with her and her family! The seasons of life are something that somehow blow right through us and, boy oh boy, they ARE gone before you even realize it!

I have to moan for a minute or two....

I have done so well for about a year and a half. I have not had any overdraft fees. That is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I am the overdraft fee "queen." I am telling you people that the bank has sent some kids to college on all of the $$ that they have collected from me in overdraft fees alone over the years.

I just have to take a moment to look at something that should be painfully clear to everyone and ask WHY no one has come forward to look out for the "everyday Joe" so that we do NOT get screwed like this?

Here they are:
$5.39
$8.39
$26.72
$31.00
$56.54

These are the 5 transactions on my account that caused me to go negative and thus caused me to have the overdraft charges. Now, what frustrates me the most is the fact that my EZ TAG (covers the $$ for the toll roads) hit which is $80. I am never positive EXACTLY when that is going to hit (you must keep the $80 balance in your account) and thus cannot plan for EXACTLY when I should have the $$ in there for it. That hitting made me short for these items by one day. Yea, I know, PERFECT timing!

The screwing that I am FUMING about is the fact that the bank is ALLOWED to charge me $35 for EVERY one of those transactions...That is just so flippin frustrating! I mean, come on! There should be some sort of law that limits how much a bank can charge. The fee should be NO MORE that the transaction itself. I mean, really? $35for $5.39? How can you even BEGIN to JUSTIFY that? If you look at the list above, ONLY ONE of those is more than the fee that I was charged for EACH of them. So SAD!!! I paid $40 for B & B's Jack in the Box meal. Hope they enjoyed those fries because they were like $5 a piece...Not to mention the fact that the fees do nothing more than put someone who is already struggling in even worse financial circumstances. They were already short the $$ to cover the checks, so let's charge them $35 per check to cover them. Yeah, that makes complete sense...$175 that I did NOT have. I know it is my fault, but ahhhhhhhh. It just infuriates me...I made a deposit the NEXT day and had a direct deposit coming in the NEXT day. You would think they would take that into consideration too...

UGH...

OK...Got my anger out...

Throughout my diet journey, it has all been about the PANTS...

I began the whole thing in January in a size 24....

Here I am now....





This is my newest pair which is a 12!!!!! I have about 30 pounds left in my ULTIMATE goal and only 8.5 left in my 100 pound goal...Progress is so nice!

For Archiver's Night Tonight, I Bribed the Gals with More of Nana's Goodies....

This time, it was...







Caramel Bars

And





Butterscotch Squares

The Caramel Bars were really good, but they were gooey and kind of messy which is NOT a fabulous idea for a bunch of gals who are scrapping. The Butterscotch Squares were just HEAVEN!!!! YUMMY!!! This little deal just works out great for everyone. I use all of their nifty little gadgets and they get all of the yummy baked good that I make for them! Something for everyone....