Thanksgiving....

Thanksgiving this year was good and bad...

It was wonderful to have an entire week off with the kids. I really did enjoy the time off with them. We had some great "quality" time. That was needed and appreciated. We did not have much money, so we did not really do a whole lot.

We caught "Arthur Christmas" which was quite cute, but did not do much besides that. We watched several TV movies, put up our Christmas tree and house decorations. By the end of the week, I had just felt like my tank was full in the sense that the little kids and I were able to cuddle when we needed it and the big kids and I were able to have some good chats which is always important. :)

Now, the not so good..... My sister is leaving. Moving to Nevada. I know I know. One would think that is a good thing by the way that I talk about her. It still hurts. She is the LAST of the family that I have left. So, I cannot help but feel like this is another death of sorts for me. As much as she can drive me nuts, and trust me she CAN DRIVE ME INSANE, I WILL miss her. :( I will miss my ONLY niece and nephew. In my financial state, I know that I will never see them as I will NOT have $$ to buy 6 plane tickets. Ever...

And just when I prayed for something to come through for

the holidays....

It did... :( It the form of my brakes going... :(

Yup. Completely.

I will say that I was lucky in the sense that my friend's husband stepped up and offered to fix them for me. BUT, that is only after I came on FB an begged for someone to PLEASE help me out. I had NO CHOICE. I was desperate!

It added $50 to what I already owe my sister which I hate because I HATE owing her even $.05 as it is just something that she can hold over my head. But, what choice did I have???

Christmas Countdown 2011 - Find out how many days until Christmas 2011

Christmas Countdown 2011 - Find out how many days until Christmas 2011: Set www.xmasclock.com as your homepage to count the number of days until Christmas 2011!

Depressing...

This is going to be the worst Christmas ever...

I have bought the kids pretty much nothing. I still have virtually no money, and just when I think that I have an extra $1 or two, something goes wrong. :( I honestly do NOT know what I am going to do?? I thought I would be able to get a few gifts with this check as I only had to pay for one week of the sitter and then Monday comes and....Dead car battery. :( So, there goes my extra week of sitter $$. I only have a few things for Baylee and a couple of small things for Brennyn...:( Nothing for the triplets. Add to that the fact that I have to start buying food for the triplets to bring lunch and it is NOT good... :(

I just pray for something to come through so that I am able to put something under the tree for my kids. Anything....

Not even going to hang my stocking. No reason. Absolutely no way that I will be filling mine if I can barely fill the kids...

I will be getting nothing for Christmas. But, that is nothing new... I HATE my mom being gone. She made certain things like this did not happen...

My Dreams

Every time I think that I have forgotten. I get sad because the memory is leaving me, it seems to happen.

I have a dream.

I know it sounds completely insane, but it is true. Whenever I think that I have lost the memory of those who have left this earth, they visit me in my dreams. What is even more amazing about this is the fact that I am someone who rarely remembers her dreams. So, when I do, it is definitely a worthy moment.

Two separate times, I have thought that I was forgetting my Poppop's voice only to have him visit AND speak to me in a dream just days later....

Wonderful and amazing. I am very thankful...

Stability

Stability seems so very hard to find.

Just when I seem to reach it in one area of my life, I lose it in another. It feels like a race. A race that I do not want to be in. You see, running was my weakest area when I was young. I could only run a short distance in PE and then I had to stop and walk. My asthma would stop me.

Even now, I am just beat down and worn out. I CANNOT go the distance. Working every day in one area or another to try and maintain the stability that I need, is HARD. Sometimes, too hard.

I just want/need a break. A day or two where everything feels good/right and I do not feel like I am going under/drowning.

Is that just too much to ask for?

Holy crap. I thought I left high school like 20 years ago....

Seriously...

Another area in which my sister and I do not mesh is her filter. Or, her LACK of one. She seems to think that it is OK to say whatever she wants whenever she wants. She does not care if it is mean or hurtful. I used to just take it and move on. However, now that I am nearly 40, I have realized that I do NOT have to do that. What she is doing is actually abuse and there is absolutely NO reason why I need to endure it. So, I have begun to distance myself from her in situations where I know that she will upset me more than usual.

One of these places is FB. I got so tired of her flaming me for my posts on FB. My FB is my FB. I should feel like I can say whatever I want and not have to worry that I am going to get a call from Kim in regards to it. So, I made the executive decision, after a HUGE falling out, to UNFRIEND her. I would then feel safe posting whatever I wanted and she would not be harassing me about it. Right?? I thought so...

Until this week. She calls me and inquires about a posting of my on FB. Huh? How the he** does she know what I posted on FB? Yeah. That would be because we are still in high school and apparently people (mutual friends) think that they need to phone my sister and discuss my postings with her. WTF??? I am livid! Of course, she refused to tell me WHO it was, and we have SEVERAL mutual friends so it is hard for me to narrow it down. But, I put a warning on my FB for people to stop.

Grow-up folks and give me a break. When I graduated from high school, I meant to leave it behind. Those who brought it with them need to stay away from me!