So, I have been pondering the saying "There is someone for everyone..."
As a young girl, I believed it. I REALLY did. I was the fairytale follower all the way. The happier the ending, the more I liked it. I dreamed of my knight in shining armor. My prince charming. There was someone for everyone, right? My day would come. I just had to wait... I was firm in my belief.
As I got older, I met the man that I thought was THE ONE. Our relationship was wonderful. It was strong, powerful, and for 4 years, the best thing that I ever had with a man. We were to be married. I thought he was my "happily ever after...." Then, his "extra-curricular" activities brought everything to a screeching hault and sudden end... Suddenly, my beliefs in that special someone were questioned??
Years have passed. I have been blessed with 5 beautiful children. Raising these kids has brought me so much joy and I thank God for every day that I am able to share with them.
However, my personal life has been empty. I have had NOTHING since that relationship with R. Our engagement ended 15 years ago, and I have had very little personal fulfillment since. The few men that I have encountered that show ANY interest usually run for the hills for one of 3 reasons:
1. They find out that I have 5 kids
2. They find out that I have 2 kids with disabilities
3. They see what I actually look like
So, I have come to a conclusion on this idea and here it is: I really do believe that there is someone for everyone, but I think that there are some catches to it...
1. I think that some of us have already met our someone and that we just blew our shot at it. So, that was it for us...
2. Others had a special someone and unfortunately, that person fell onto some really unfortunate circumstances and now you will not get to be with him.
3. I also think that there are some people who are not going to meet their "someone" till they get to heaven. Maybe their someone is waiting for them. Just up there. Arms wide open...
It is a different perspective, but one that helps me to make sense of just why I am where I am. I am honestly not positive yet on which one of those is mine, but I do have a sneaky suspicion that it was #1. Based on the way my circumstances and situations have played out in my life, it seems to make the most sense...
4 comments:
How interesting to see you thinking on this. It runs through my head now and then. I have made similar conclusions.
I'm coming to a point where I believe there isn't just one "soul mate" for any one particular person. (I know, how unromantic of me.) I have seen too many "soul mate" marriages crumble. As I look around me I see that the marriages that do not crumble are not only based on love but mutual respect and friendship-not to mention for most of those marriages a deep, abiding faith in God.
I find this heartening. Maybe there is just one shot at a "soul mate". But, friendship, that comes in multiples. I feel a new hope that I could indeed develop a friendship that leads to love and marriage. So much more relaxed feeling than the need to find the "one" and to be "in love" from the beginning. Such a roller coaster.
I am content with where I am in life as a single woman. But, should friendship present itself I have lost nothing to make a friend and may one day also gain a spouse.
You are an optimist. I think something snapped forever in side me, when I saw what a man could do to his own children, for the sake of vengeance. Yes, I've had a LTR since then, but it was a very undefined, unstructured relationship that I had to give up when I saw it would be bad for the twins. The relationship served its purpose at the time - kept me going through some of the worst moments of my life - but now, after looking at ten years of a hell marriage and 12 years of an on-again, off-again non-commited friend with benefits, I think that there is absolutely no one in my future...
Call me a cynic, but I'm not sure that true love, in the romantic sense, even really exists. Probably because I've never experienced it personally, and don't see it in the people around me. At the same time, that doesn't stop me from wanting to find someone, either. I have dated some, not much...and most of the guys that have contacted me in the last year or so have either been real duds, or disappear after learning my smc status. Of course, I also have a FWB situation that has been on and off for almost a year as well, but there is no long term future there (not to mention around 150 miles between us). I'm not sure I'll find the parter I think I'd like to have...at this point I think if I do, it won't be until my kids are grown. Maybe it won't ever happen. But I don't want to close the door to the possibility.
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