"The Part of Me That Can't Let Go...."

There is a song that I love....It is called "Everything I Own" by Bread. I have heard the song MANY times over the course of my life. It really never had a huge meaning/purpose to me until recently. I read an article where one of the members of the band discussed the song. He stated that many people wrongly thought that the song was written as a love song when actually it was much more. He had written the song for his father who had passed away. Then, the lyrics had so much more meaning to me.

Everything I Own - Bread

You sheltered me from harm
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you
And...

(Chorus:)
I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give ev'rything I own
Just to have you back again

You taught me how to love
What it's of, what it's of
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that can't let go
And...

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge:)
Is there someone you know
You're loving them so
But taking them all for granted?
You may lose them one day
Someone takes them away
And they don't hear
The words you long to say

(Repeat chorus)

Just to touch you once again



Reminded me of my Mom.... Totally...

You see, there is a part of me that I do NOT/CANNOT let anyone see. It is just this piece of me that was connected to my Mom. The bond that we had was strong. It was broken suddenly. And, even after 3 years, it feels like it was just yesterday that I lost her. NO ONE gets that. I do not think that I know anyone who had the relationship that I shared with my Mom and then had to lose that person so suddenly. It is so hard. It seems to get no easier.... I can't get past the feelings of being cheated. I did not get the time that others get. Time to prepare. Time to say/do things. When people get a terminal diagnosis, they have some time. Time to do/say things with those that they love. That time is life-altering. It gives you closure. Closure is necessary. You NEED it. When you lose someone like I did, you do NOT get closure. I did NOT get my time to say the things that I wanted/needed to. I have tried and tried and I just can't seem to get past that.

How am I supposed to get past that? I had things that I wanted to say to her. Things that I needed to tell her. How am I supposed to live my life knowing that she died NOT knowing these things. Or, wondering if she did? Did she know how MUCH I appreciated ALL she did when I was a child? Did she know that I really loved her more than anyone? Did she know that she was my best friend? Does she know that I love my children the way that she taught me to love? With all of my heart. Deep down to my soul...

The toughest thing for me is that....I lost my Nana, the 2nd most important person in my life, the SAME way. Suddenly, with unfinished thoughts and things left to say.....

How fair is that???