Do people really NOT pay attention????

My #1 pet peeve....

People are CONSTANTLY spelling my kids' names wrong! I think the thing that bugs me the most is that some of these people have known them since birth!!!!

Together E V E R Y O N E

T O B E Y

T Y L O R

T A Y L A R

B R E N N Y N

B A Y L E E

There. Now, was that so hard? Until 5 minutes goes by and everyone forgets....

No More....

I ate dinner tonight with my sister, AND BIL.... It has been 1 AND 1/2 years since I have seen him. BUT, I decided a few days ago that I will NOT harbor ill feelings towards ANYONE anymore.

WHO is that helping??

Really???

All that it does is eat me up inside, and that is NOT good. Forgiveness is important. It is HEALING. It is NECESSARY. Besides, regardless of HOW I feel about him, the BOTTOM LINE will ALWAYS be that he IS the father of my ONLY neice and nephew and my children's ONLY cousins. That will NEVER change....

So, I was NOT overly friendly, but I was cordial and I did enjoy a meal out while my children enjoyed the presence of their cousins. Brennyn and Baylee just ADORE Riley and Camden and are really getting to the age where they appreciate having cousins who are not too much older than they are....

Gosh, sometimes it is hard to be the grown-up....

Thought this was a good idea....Stole it from a friend...

Some things about me....

Your Favorite...


1. Part of your love interest's body It has been soooooo long....Ummmmmm. Hands definitely....

2. Poet - Hands down...Shel Silverstein....I AM a kid at heart... :)

3. Halloween costume that you've worn - spider

4. Breakfast cereal - Peanut Butter Crunch

5. Political figure - Colin Powell. I am just so impressed by him...

6. Magazine/periodical - People

7. Job - Being a MOM!

8. Toy from childhood - Cabbage Patch Dolls! Oh, how I loved them!!!!

9. Tattoo that you have - Two actually...The one of the triplets and my "Baylee" one. Still need to get my Brennyn one.... :)

10. Pie - Pecan

11. Old article of clothing - My tie-dye shirts :)

12. Day of the year - 2 actually. July 2nd and December 3rd

13. Genre of music - Country. I do live in TEXAS!

14. Sports hero - Ummmmmm. Yeah.... Michael Ohr since I saw him in "Blindslide." I really do not follow sports....

15. Flower - Red rose, but I do LOVE Bluebonnets when they are in season....

16. Mixed drink - LOVE a spicy Bloody Mary and a REALLY good Mudslide...:)

17 Drink - Coke Zero

18. TV Show - At this VERY moment Army Wives because everything else is off...But, I LOVE Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice...

19. Movie musical - Grease

20. Vegetable - Spinach

21. Type of Food - Mexican (Tex-Mex)

22. Screen kiss - LOVE the kiss at the end of Serendipity when they FINALLY reunite

23 Tribe - Have NO idea....

24. Place to buy clothes - Ralph Lauren, but only at the outlet store and even then ONLY off of the clearance rack!

25. Religion/belief system - Christian. Recently, Methodist. It feels right for us....

26. Curse word or phrase to say - I say many things that I shouldn't in my car and at home because I have a job where I am unable to use foul language all day so it tends to get bottled up and then just spew out.....

27. Unnecessary gadget of yours - Hello? NONE of my gadgets are unnecessary! You are talking to the gadget queen! I LOVE gadgets! Now, I do have a Nintendo DS that I got for myself to play Guitar Hero on that I really RARELY use...

28. Musical 'genius' - Brian Wilson

29. Schoolyard game from childhood - Kickball

30. Bar - Pat O Briens in New Orleans....MANY great times there! :)

31. Color - Red or Hot Pink

32. 'Battle scene' from a movie - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy has some FABULOUS ones....

33. Music to get your groove on - Abba OF COURSE!!!

34. Drug (illegal) - Nope....Never was interested...

35. Thing about your family - That we have such a UNIQUE family and that we have "differently-abled" members that have just taught all of us how very precious life is....

36. Way to travel - HAS to be CAR. We CANNOT afford to fly with our family size...

37. Cause - Cystic Fibrosis is close to my heart as is MS and Alzheimers as they have effected people that I know/love....

38. Candy bar - Snickers, York Peppermint Patty, Whatchamacalit and I could go on and on and on. Pretty much anything that is NOT dark chocolate...

39. Sex position - On top! :) I like to be in control! :)

40. Thing about your work - The time that I get to have off with my children....

41. Restaurant you frequent regularly - Casa Ole and Lopez. We LOVE Mexican!

42. Cafe- La Madeleine

43. Local park - A few miles away....

44. Subject/class from high school - English. I LOVE to write!

45. Horror movie - The Saw series....

46. Photo of yourself (describe) - A picture of me with all of the kids in patriotic shirts that we had done after I finally lost my weight. It was the first time that I had a picture done with ALL of my kids....

47. Sport to play - Competitive swimming....

48. Musical instrument - I LOVE to hear the violin play. WISH that I could play an instrument but I have NO MUSICAL talent at all!!!

49. Band to see live - Lady Antebellum was the best group that I have ever seen! They put on an AWESOME show. Though, I will say that the Eagles "Hell Freezes Over" show was quite great and Trans-Siberian Orchestra are 2 other close seconds!

50. Video game - Pac-Man

It is a catch 22 for me.....

Being an SMC that is....Don't get me wrong. I LOVE being a Mom. It is what I do best. It is what I have ALWAYS wanted. But, honestly, I just HATE being alone. I just do.....I love the part of being my kids only parent and not having to share my parenting with anyone else, but the alone part sucks for me...Maybe because I was never really alone. I don't know... Whatever it is. I HATE it. My Mom has been gone for 2 years and it just still seems no easier...It could be my lack of family, my weak support structures, etc.

I am not sure. I just know that I still have moments when I drive home from work and just WISH that I had an adult to sit and chat with. Nothing special. I am not longing for a hot date (though that would not be bad either :)). Just another intellectual adult to sit down and talk about my day with. When things are shitty at work, it would be really nice to be able to have someone to REALLY vent to... Typing it out on facebook just isn't the same.

My Sister.....

Why?

I think that is always the question that comes to mind when I think of Kim...

Why is she like she is?
Whe is she so selfish?
Why can't she see how cruel she sometimes is?
Why can't she just be a sister?
Why does she have to be so cold?
Why is it that she can never seem to be there for me?
Why is it that I can never seem to cut her loose?

Most of the times all she does is aggravate me, yet I still answer her phone calls and talk to her. So, the million dollar question is WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??? I really do not know....

Realization is HARD....

Many things are coming up for my household....

Lots of things that are scary....

My ladies retreat was wondeful. Such a nice escape. One thing that I did learn from it was my Love Language. You see, we had several devotionals during our retreat. A chance for us to really bond with each other and learn a bit more about the people that were there with us. We took a quiz. I discovered that I am "Receiving Gifts." When ANYONE who knows me at all reads this, it will come as NO surprise...

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.


Gosh, that is me!!!

We also discussed how it is really hard for others to speak to us in our language as their language is often different and we tend to communicate to others in our own language. So, if your language is NOT gifts, you will have a hard time giving that to someone whose primary language IS. It was so interesting. Brought several realizations to light for me...

For one, I do not think that I know ANYONE who speaks the same love language as me right now. Second, my mom's love language was "Words of Affirmation."

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

However, I think "Gifts" was a close second for my mom.

The key to MANY of my emotions of late is the fact that my tank is empty. It is crucial for us to have full tanks. Somehow, we need our tanks full. It is crucial for us to have people around us who can fill our tanks while we, in turn, fill theirs. This reciprocity is what keeps us going. I think that my tank-filler was mom. :( When I discovered my love language, the first question that was asked of me was "How many people speak to you in your language?" My response, sadly, no one. I now think that part of the reason that I struggle so much with mom's death is the fact that I lost much more than anyone can EVER imagine. Sure, I lost my mom and best friend. However, I also lost one of the only people that helped fill my tank and that is so VERY important especially since I believe one of my other major tank-fillers was my Nana who I had lost just 3 years before my mom. So, my tank has been empty and to deal with what I deal with day-to-day on an empty tank is excruciatingly hard. As things pile up, it is getting almost impossible...

So, for those wondering just WHAT is going on. In a long, drawn-out explanation, that is it...

My evolving relationship with the elliptical....

I have seen it on TV...

My sister LOVES it...

Since I started going to the gym, I walk past it EVERY day...

We have an understanding. I will not bother it, and it will not bother me. Frankly, I was a bit afraid of it, and I think that it knew that. It just sat there in all of it's glory mocking me. All of those physically fit people would get on it and chug away. Arms going one way. Legs going another. It seemed so easy, but I KNEW better. I am NOT a very coordinated person. Exercising on a consistant basis is still fairly new to me. So, moving rapidly in various directions is probably NOT a good idea. Therefore, I stood back and observed. Yes, I simply watched from afar. From the safety of my treadmill or exercise bike, I would see how simple those expert exercisers made it look. They were so determined when they got on it. They were going to master it no matter how hard it was, and they DID! No one ever fell off of it, and no one ever cried... I was amazed! Bewildered...

I wondered if it was mad? Mad that so many defeated it. I still did not take my chances. I knew my place. Yup. The treadmill and bikes were my zone and I did not leave them. Then, there was the houding. The annoying. The sister. "Try it." "You will burn off so mamy more calories..." "You need to change up your program to achieve the maximum benefit." Over and over and over. She just would NOT let up....So, I did begin to toss the idea around. But, that was it. I went NO FURTHER!

Then, last week, I thought "Maybe one day I will get on there and give it a whirl?" I was still REALLY afraid. What if I fell. How embarassing that would be! So, I decided that I would wait till a day when I went in and it was not very crowded. Then I would get up on it and see what happened. Well, I headed in there every day and every day was crowded. So, no go day after day. Then, on Saturday, Taylar and I headed in at the twins naptime. As I walked in to the Wellness Center, I saw the space. All of that empty space. Then that voice in my head spoke LOUD AND CLEAR. "Here is your chance. Try it today." I walked toward it and it seemed to be staring at me with a grimace. As I stepped on it, I whispered quietly "Please don't hurt me." Then I slowly started pumping to turn it on.

Then it starts.... I am asked to select a program. Hmmmm. I have NO idea. Nothing too crazy. I am a complete novice here. A virgin. This is my first time. "Weight Loss" seems like a logical choice since that is what I am trying to achieve.

LOGIC IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE WHEN YOU YOU INTERACT WITH THESE THINGS...

I begin. Back and forth. Up and down. I think to myself: "I can do this. Not too bad." That right there was the DUMBEST thing that I have ever allowed to even enter my mind." Because it was almost immediately after that is when my nightmare began...

The words "Resistance 8 beginning" flash across the screen. I wonder what that means?? Then, I quickly discover that it should have simply said "hell." OMG! I really thought that I was going to die. It was so hard my legs and arms were throbbing. I could NOT push against that force. It was so hard. I could just feel that monster fighting me and I just knew that it LOVED every second of it. I had to do this for 4 minutes and it felt like 400. Then I went back down to Resistance 1 and I swear I cheered out loud! :) This continued back and forth for the entire 30 minute workout. Each and every time the Resistance 8 was coming I almost had an anxiety attack and had to fight crying out loud to get through it. Then, I would just grin through the lower stage. Anyone watching MUST have thought that I was OFF MY ROCKER!

When I completed my time, I stepped off and patted the machine gently. I think that we now have an understanding. We are not friends, pals, or buddies, but we will mutualy work together to give me the workout I need when necessary for my health well-bring....