I was so motivated to lose weight. It was so important. I have been told by so many people for SO MANY YEARS. Friends. Family. Everyone. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Lose the weight and you will feel so much better. Lose the weight and you will be so much happier.

Really???

When???

I have lost 102 pounds, and I have to say that I do NOT feel it...HONESTLY, I don't. If I am going to get REALLY honest, I must say that I feel worse. Let's just let it all out here. I am like an alcoholic/drug addict. I am a food addict. So, food is my comfort. My drug so to speak. Now that I am thinner/more fit, I no longer allow myself to eat. Basically, I spend most of my day depriving myself of the ONE THING that brings me joy/pleasure. To achieve this end, I must work on it day and night. It is a constant job. It is a VERY demanding task to undertake. It is SO HARD to beat as ANY addiction is and there are so MANY moments that I just want to say THE HELL WITH THIS and quit....

How intelligent is that?

I have gotten down to almost 1/2 the size I was about 6 months ago yet I am still alone. Except, now I am alone and hungry.

Oh, but the skinny people around me say I should be happy because I can wear a size 12 jeans now and shopping is more fun. Yipee! Did you hear the excitement there?? Sorry, I tried...Shopping is not fun. I am a single Mom who is usually broke like I was before with no $$ to shop so who the heck cares WHAT size I am?? Losing all this weight has just cost me $$ because I have just had to constantly replace clothes that I outgrow...

And, it seems that EVERYTHING in the world around me revolves around food. Wow! i never realized it till I was NOT able to participate. EVERY activity is centered around food. UGH. It is so HARD...

Irony is an interesting point to ponder...