As the big day approaches, I always seem to get into a slump...
I hate that it happens, but it ALWAYS does. Another year older and still another list of things that need to be done/accomplished....
There are so many things that are up in the air that just grate on my nerves....
My Taylar seems to be doing great and then has a day like today that just throws EVERYONE for a loop...
My car. I need a new one and just do not see how it will happen....
My house. I constantly seem to be overwhelmed by this stupid house. It is always a disaster. I REALLY want to clean it when I get home, but I always have so much to do that I just never seem to get to it. Like tonight. I had all intentions of cleaning the bar and the kitchen table off. When I got home, it was baby duty, then taekwondo for Tobey, shopping while Tobey was in taekwondo, Tobey on the toilet when we FINALLY got home at 9, put away leftovers, a sink packed full of dishes, and a load of laundry.
My job...Ugh. I think that this is the thing that bothers me the most. I HATE working at my school. I am depressed every time I have to be there. The drive is just so far and the kids are so tough. After 12 years, I am ready for a break. However, it just does not seem like that is going to happen. No matter how hard I try, I seem to come up with nothing. As much as I hate to admit it, I think my sister is right. They (potential employers) see me and think that I am pregnant. Therefore, they do not hire me. I just want to cry. I REALLY do want to lose weight, but it is just so hard for me. Food has always been my comfort and lately, I seem to be needing LOTS of comfort. I wish that people would just ask, but they still might not believe me. I have this HUGE belly from carrying 2 sets of multiples and it just will not go away.
My big boys. They are both having a really hard time with all that has gone on in the past few months. Tobey has all of these emotions that he does not know what to do with. Therefore, he is lashing out at a 3-year-old as that seems to be all that he has figured he CAN do. Tylor seems to be holding up OK and then bursts into tears (as he did tonight) and says that he just misses "Grammy" so much. I just need the strength and guidance to get them through this. My priority is my children and their physical and emotional well-being is the key to my success...
My sleep. Ugh... I just cannot get a good night's sleep. I have had a good nap here and there, but the nighttime thing is just pathetic.
My future. The financial implications of the future worry me so much. It may be 5 or 6 years down the road, but I just KNOW that it will be on my doorstep before I know it. Will I be able to keep my house? Will I be able to pay the bills? Will we figure out how to make ends meet? SO many questions...
My sister. A much as I try to not let her get to me, she DOES. She is such a selfish careless person. She seems to have no feelings of care or concern for me or the kids. I just get so very sad at the thought that she is really what I have left in regards to my family. She is so different than me. I always keep the people that I love in my heart and mind. That seems to be the farthest thing from Kim's mind...
My babies. They are getting so busy and into everything. I worry that they will be too much for A as they seem to wear her out with their constant "busyness."
Years add on knowledge and experience, but that also adds worry and fear from what we have already seen/gone through. My biggest fear seems to be the worry that I will break. I am really not too sure that I can take much more and I fear that there is LOTS more to come....
4 comments:
Everything is just piling on you right now. I cannot imagine what your daily routine is like. If you need me I am here, as you have always been for me. Please feel free to call on me anytime...day or night. You know I am up late and am always in the mood to talk. You know...the sister thing....I am an only child...wanna be my long lost sib?? You know your sister has forever been like that. I told you once that you two were from two different planets. Sometimes it's best to let go of the issues for the only person suffering is yourself. She sleeps well every night while you ponder how her actions affect your life. Let go of the hate and rage...she is not going to change and you are wasting too much energy trying to figure her out. AS for your other concerns, our maid's name is Rosa...she is reasonably priced and will come during the day. Pay her a little more the first time and let her do it all for you. It is a breath of fresh air to come home after she has cleaned. Even having her once a month is a step in the right direction. Call me...we'll chat. As for the food issues, you're preaching to the choir honey! This is the hardest addiction to break. Right now may not be the time to fight this battle because you have so much on your plate. However, you have to get a control over things. Clean that pantry out, get rid of all that junk that is literally weighing you down. Let me know if you want to do something together. We can be a support system for each other. I love you and the kids very much and only want the best. Like I said, I will always be here to lend a choulder or listen to you. Hang in there and I will talk to you soon! Smooches!
I will keep you in the forefront of my prayers. I know the Lord will provide EVERYTHING you need, in HIS timing. Heather
Oh, Jenn. It doesn't rain, it doesn't pour, it's a hurricane, isn't it? I am so sorry you are going through this time in your life. Truly, my only thought is that bad things happen to very good people. Doesn't make sense, but that's how it is. Many prayers and (((HUGS))). You're in my constant thoughts. I'll try to PM you on the other site with some thoughts on your house situation (BTDT).
Love you, Jenn.. wish I had answers. Wish I were there in person. Wish so many things for you and pray for them everyday. Hoping to be a support to you, even from so far away.
Really feeling for you.
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